Reasons You Want Me on Your Post-Apocalyptic Team

This morning, I woke up early to move my car to the opposite side so it wouldn’t get towed per the Minneapolis Winter Parking Restrictions. There are reasons why I think that is utterly ridiculous (Why don’t you plow the roads right the first time so you wouldn’t lose 2 feet of curb?) but that’s a rant for another time. As I walked towards my car, I noticed that I had a flat tire. Flat tires seem to be a tradition of the last 3 winters. Thankfully this time I wasn’t driving to St. Louis Park while it was snowing heavily or the tire wasn’t frozen to the car. This was a relatively easy change.
My mom always says that manual labour gives you time to think and today was no exception. Amanda Ingle brought it to my attention that not everyone knows how to change a tire. That made me wonder, “What other things can I do that not everyone can?” Also, this could be used to prove my worthiness for being on anyone’s Post-Apocalyptic Team.

1. I can change a tire.

2. I can drive tractors or large equipment and could probably drive a semi in a pinch.

3. I can do rudimentary plumbing and electrical work and know how to use power tools. I can also weld, arc or gas.

4. I can field dress just about any animal.
-If you’re not sure what this is, I feel a little sad. Say someone shoots and animal. It’s not the best idea to carry it around whole, so you need to remove the innards, skin and quarter it. I can do that for most large game and birds. Cows would be a bit of trouble because they’re so heavy, but it’s possible.

5. I have access to a secluded compound, aka My Mom and Grandma’s house.
-You know where no one wants to go when things get all crazy? North Dakota
-Do you know where no one will bother bombing because all of our nukes are no longer there? North Dakota
-There’s a river in the back yard which is so awesome in the summer.

6. I can grow a garden.

7. I can shoot a gun and have studied kung fu (not well on either account, but I can get by).

8. I speak several languages.
-One never knows who the next superpower will be, but I have you covered on the translator front.

9. I can snowboard.
-Not sure if that will actually help, but when someone tows me behind a vehicle on my snowboard as I mow down a bunch of zombies with a machine gun that will make an entreating story right?

10. I am skilled at making dinner with whatever is on hand.


I wish this could be my résumé.